May 2013
18 posts
Just heard a lovely turn of phrase:
Sometimes my give-a-damn breaks.
Thought you would all enjoy that.
April 2013
23 posts
Doctors say looking at busty women for 10 minutes... →
Staring at busty women can lengthen your life, scientists have proved.
Well EXCUSE ME for trying to live healthy! :D
Watchhibiku:
al4skan:
im actually laughing so hard at this
(We’re taking a calculus final. The TA is a well-known Lord of the Rings fan, and we’ve had running LotR jokes all semester.)
TA: “Okay, guys, everyone look at me. We’ve been over the rules, but just in case: no notes, pencil your answers in on the scantron sheet, and graphing calculators only – no more ‘can I just used my cell phone’ nonsense.”
Student: “[TA's name], my calculator batteries just died! What should I do?”
TA: “Here, I’ve got a big box of spares.”
Student: *struggling* “I can’t get this packaging open…”
Student 2: “Here, I’ve got a pocket knife.”
TA: “And I’ve got a pair of scissors if you need them.”
Student 3: *from the back of the room* “OR MY AXE!”
(Everyone starts laughing.)
TA: “The only axes allowed on the exam are in the graph section.”
(Everyone groans.)
TA: “Oh, come on, you’re in a math class. Deal with the math jokes.”
(The professor enters with a stack of exams. With him are two exam proctors.)
Professor: “Tolkien jokes already, [TA's name]?”
TA: “Hey, I didn’t start it.”
(The professor starts handing stacks of exams to the TA and proctors.)
Professor: “But I’m about to finish it. [TA], take these exams down the left flank. [Proctor 1], follow the desks down the center. [Proctor 2], take your exams right, along the wall.”
(At this point, many of the students have realized where this is going: Theoden’s lines from ‘Return of the King.’)
Professor: “Forth, and fear no problems! Solve! Solve, students of calculus! Points shall be taken, scores shall be splintered! A pencil day! A red-ink day! Until three thirty!”
(The professor pulls out a pencil, holding it out like a sword, and runs down the first row holding it out. Students hold up their pencils, hitting his as he passes.)
Professor: “Solve now! Solve now! Solve to good grades and the class ending! MAAATH!”
Entire Class: “MAAATH!”
Professor: “MAAAAATH!”
Entire Class: “MAAAAAATH!”
Professor: “Forth, exam-takers!”
(The entire class rises to their feet and gives him a standing ovation. A week later, we get an email from the professor.)
Professor: *at the end of the email* “PS: I appreciate all of you who wrote in their evaluations that I was the one professor to rule them all, but the best one yet was the student who called me ‘Mathrandir.’”
ruf1ohn1tram:
fistman submitted:
Here, I found you a more suitable glass.
wow give me
musiqchild007:
tctisi:
It all makes sense now. Gay marriage and marijuana are being legalized at the same time. Leviticus 20:13 says if a man lays with another man, he should be stoned. We were just misinterpreting it.
March 2013
54 posts
ATTENTION EVERYONE EVER
I FOUND MY TV REMOTE! That is all.
2 tags
I try not to make fun of people who are just doing their jobs, even when it's tech support and the person on the other end barely speaks English. It's not their fault, it's not like I speak another language. To make things worse though, most of these companies force their phone support employees read from a dumbass script instead of actually listening to their customers. On the upside, it does lead to some hilarious conversations, like this one I had with a very nice Indian man from Acer customer support.
Customer Support Representative: Thank you for calling Acer Customer Support. May I please have your name.
Me: My name is Robert.
CSR: Okay Mr. Robert, what can we do for you today?
Me: I have an Acer monitor. I lost the AC power adapter when I moved and I would like to order a new one.
CSR: Okay Mr. Robert, are you near the monitor now?
Me: Yes.
CSR: Okay sir. What I would like you to do now is to press the power button on the monitor. What happens when you press the power button?
Me: ... Nothing. It has no power cord.
CSR: ...
Me: ...
CSR: Sir?
Me: How do you say "positively fuck all" in Hindi?
CSR: I'm sorry sir?
Me: Sorry, I'm a touch sarcastic today. Look, I understand that you're working, but please stop reading your script and listen. I need to order a new power cord because mine is missing.
CSR: Oh...
The rest of the conversation went swimmingly. He was very helpful and I got a package about three days later. I don't mind that tech support has been outsourced though, it results in such hilarity.
